blossomingjoy

i have a few weird things that i think about. some come to mind a lot. others only one in a while. when i was in high school (and into college some too) i loved to ask people weird questions. such as when the last time was that they cried, who their best friend is, who they would want to meet from the past, what they would do if they could anything, etc. this is one of those once in a while things. 

something i have thought about and asked people about too—-if you were walking down the street and a replication of yourself walked by, would you recognize it? this replication would not be how you see yourself…but rather how everyone else in the world sees you. would you know that it was you? 

i know it’s weird. but i think about it. and was thinking about it tonight. there is a level of authenticity that i feel has escaped this lovely world…and especially the christian world. we walk in a way that makes us look different from how we feel. we mask and hide so that we are accepted, affirmed, and stable. we are all about appearances.

how am i appearing? would i even know myself if i walked right by?

Ok so I am babysitting and just relieved a profound little snippet of knowledge. Briggs who is three and I were playing tag. He was chasing me around the basement and had completely rammed into me. He looked up and said, “move you’re in my way.” I laugh and say you’re chasing me—-how could I be in your way??

Good question, right?

I hope I’m not in the Father’s way.

i was watching planet earth last night. the imagination of the Creator is unbelievable to me. seriously. some of the things that are on this planet blow my mind. what a mighty God we serve! seriously. from the sequoia trees that tower to the skies to the plummeting depths of the dark ocean…He knows everything by name.

He loves the sparrows…how much more must He love us!

“You are intimately woven, authentically spoken, tangibly selected, and unconditionally loved. His pursuit for you is more vast then the skies abundance and more deep then the oceans wide. You are the eternal, the everlasting, the loved, and desired. You of beauty, the stars shine for you, the earth rotates in the motion of His love, the colors show that you are known. His banner over you is Love and your heart declares it — You are free.” unknown.

my girls.

i really like them a lot. mom and dad got to spend the day with them on saturday and i am really jealous. :)

they are really growing up.

their daddy is pretty sweet.

yaya sent this to me from saturday. happy little peanuts.

i had an imaginary friend when i was a child. 

her name was jeembra quabelle. she was black. we were good friends. i liked to make her hats. i have no clue why i chose the name jeembra. but quabelle was a sparkling water drink my mom would drink so i think i thought it was luxurious. 

sometimes i think about her. i’m not kidding. i remember a few things about her…but wish i remembered more. i remember that she was really small. kind of like thumbalina, or ‘a borrower.’ for example, when i made her hats a lot of times the started as soda bottle tops. the last time i remember making her a hat was for my aunt’s wedding—which was in may of 1995. so i was 7. and crazy. i need to ask my parents about her. i also remember something else. my american girl doll had to go to the ‘doll hospital’ because our dog chewed her up. i remember being so glad that jeembra never had to go to the hospital. haha.

i wonder why i needed her. i feel like i have a pretty incredible imagination and love to be creative so maybe this was my inner artist coming out. i think i probably needed to pretend i had a sister. jeembra. my black small-person sister. perfect. 

the reason why i was just thinking about her was because i was in starbucks reading a textbook entitled: The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy. this older man walked up to me and told me he used to be a therapist. but he had to get out of the business because he started talking to imaginary people in his life. i told him that i used to have an imaginary friend and he told me that i needed to see a therapist about that and possibly take some anti-hallucinagins. haha. i told him that i loved the fact that i had an imaginary friend.

ok. see ya. maybe i will remember to talk to diane and dave about jeembra. they probably remember more than i do.

peaces.

people have been chirping at me to put up pictures of my space. so here are some.

but before the first picture—-a few thoughts. i am in the library (duh). looking out the window at the melting snow. ptl. i am drinking a diet dr. pepper. ptl. and reading about OCD. weird things happen at this library. well weird things happen to me in general. i literally feel like someone should follow me around with a video camera because my life is so bizarre…and usually when i tell people the stories (with ‘no’ exaggeration!!!) they don’t believe me. ok, but this library has some homeless people every time i come. which leads me back to my OCD research. (because i run into some mentally ill people chillin in the library to get away from the cold) i am so glad i don’t have OCD. seriously. i need to be more thankful for my health.

das me bed.

a few cute things. 

love my boots. love my hat box. (i don’t have a hat.)

love this. one of my favorite items from a garage sale here this fall. love it and the china set. can’t wait for garage sale season to start again. 

(disclaimer: my room is usually a disaster zone. but i was anticipating the arrival of amy elizabeth marshall to my house so i cleaned it up. but chicago hates her. so she is not coming. sad day.)

today is the precious anniversary of the birth of erin macdonald. some things are just completely evident to me as ordained by jesus. our friendship is one of them. i call erin an alien…which i mean in a completely beautiful way. she is not of this world. period. 

erin, thanks for…

constantly making me laugh. being spontaneous. balancing me out. dancing. cooking. traveling to mexico. talking about real stuff. treating me like a sister. understanding my tears. being a tangible representation of jesus.

i miss you. i really do. you have been such a huge blessing to me in wheaton. see you in a few weeks, friend. 

xoxo.

   .

i am at the library. which is not so strange. i come here a lot. or i guess i should say that i came here a lot last semester. this semester i have been a slacker. i feel almost as if i am waiting for a light to click on in my head or a whistle to blow and then i will remember i am in grad school.  i guess that is what i should explain.

i am in grad school at wheaton college for clinical psychology. yes, wheaton college is indeed where jesus went to school. i am learning a lot. about psychology. about counseling. about myself. about my tendencies, my patterns, my belief systems. and most days i feel like my brain went through a blender when i walk out of class. 

since yesterday i have been obsessed with my blog. and looking at other people’s blogs. who knows why, just can’t stop. 

love everything about that pic. the camera. the bracelets. the polaroids, the nail polish, the owl. and the hope that one day (!) i will indeed where sandals again. 

thanks zach scarberry for being a great man. and a man who is following after jesus’ heart and will for his life. (i just had to call him for blog-help. he is the guru.)

happy valentines day from addison and kadence. the cutest things that have ever lived. miss them.

on january 1st, i decided that this year was gonna be ‘a different kind of year.’ that meant a lot of different things. it meant that i wanted to memorize scripture. to be more intentional in my relationships. to take more pictures. to actually blog. 

over a month later, i realize i haven’t even really started. guess it’s as good as time as ever.

i got to go to mexico for a winter escape. it was incredible. 

we watched the sunset every night.

this night in particular i remember walking down the beach and thinking deeply on the lord’s love for me. there were some birds flying around and i was reminded of the story in matthew where jesus says that he knows even when a sparrow falls…so how much more must he love us!

great is his faithfulness.