blossomingjoy

so i have been struggling hard core at my internship. it is so hard. and i just really want it to be over.

isn’t that how we do so many things in life…just want them to be over. count down the days until we’re done. watch the clock till we get to leave. 

i’ve been praying and asking for a new perspective. a better attitude. but when i am faced with a girl who is hearing voices and seeing things, i want to run. to not deal with it. cause it is too hard. 

we’ve got to stop running, friends. it’s not helping.

just this very week i finally put into practice this whole idea of not running from things. let me tell you. it was terribly hard. i learned that we need people. sometimes you need someone to sit with you while you write an email and press the send button.

and it is through these things that you live your one life well. 

for about three weeks now i have been meditating (if i can hesitantly use that word) on the concept of strength. not strength of muscle.                                                         (don’t worry i am not trying to work out.)

but strength supplied from the lord. learning to not depend on my own.

ok, so how?

well this is exactly, precisely, totally what i have been praying about. and questioning. and getting so mad about. cause it doesn’t really make sense.

i am good at being strong. i have learned this strength life well. but i fail quickly.

so this semester of life. of school. how do i do things differently.

how do i live on his strength. not my own. so that on may 5th i don’t collapse but can enjoy and celebrate this school thing being done. 

i don’t know it all yet, but i have been given a few tips:

1.)    s   l   o  w   down. life is not an emergency.

2.) read the bible. like really read it. 

3.) say no. my sweetest friend here in wheaton challenged me of this. say no to people when you’re tired. or even just cause you don’t want to do what they asked. most of the time this finds me in bed reading a book.   

4.) JOY. i was reading this yesterday trying to understand what it means: “the joy of the lord will be your strength.” my little art business and this blog are both titled “blossomingjoy.” joy that is springing up. i’ve always felt that my joy has not been fulfilled. that it is not in full bloom. but i trust that one day it will be. and i hope soon. the joy of the lord. that is the key to this whole strength thing. 

check out this picture. we had set it up on self-timer. apparently something was funny.

2012. Let’s do this thing.

Survive another winter.
Finish my masters.
Stand by some sweet friends at their weddings.
Travel this summer.
Get a job.
Move to a new place.

And that’s just the start. It’s gonna be a good one.