blossomingjoy

i feel like i am constantly writing blog posts in my head. and never sit down to write them. 

{i’m sorry…this photo is just too funny. it is my mom’s birthday today and i took it to send to her. and think is is hilarious.}

i feel like i have a lot going on. and not a lot going on at the same time. 

i am learning beaucoups. {is that how you spell that?} i am learning at internship. learning at life. in class. hopefully at driving. {sometimes i wish i was a good driver}.

things are good. and things are totally overwhelming. my patients test my patience. ha. there are kids at the hospital that i want to choke. and there are kids there that i will never forget. one of my little ones discharged yesterday. i cried in our last session. she cried, too. something beautiful happened. i was praying for her today, that god would put a young life leader in her life. funny how much being a young life leader formed how i do therapy…and how i do life. i like it.

i am still not sure what i am doing after graduation. and too tired to even think about it. 

i got to celebrate my sweet friend, courtney’s wedding. she had her first bridal shower last weekend in ohio. i am 100% jell of all the anthro goodies she got as gifts. woo-wee. it is reason enough to get married. jk. 

my life is crazy these days. internship is crazy. class is crazy.

and yet god is so good despite it. for the first time, in a long time, i am having consistent quiet times. reading the word. spending time in prayer. friends, do this. wake up 30 minutes earlier. it changes you. i told a friend the other day that i feel like a baby christian again. 

i kinda went on a hiatus from talking about internship or really anything huge on this blog for awhile…i don’t think it was too intentional but i want to be intentional about writing today.

something happens after 6:30am. i get up and receive strength, manna for the day. and yet usually by mid-morning i am already frustrated, irritated, inpatient, and unkind. 

we have 26 adolescents in the program as of today. from 8:30am-3:30pm i chased them around, listened as they screamed, watched them cry, disciplined them for calling me horrible things…and left the hospital feeling quite empty. 

how had i felt so full. and just as soon so depleted?

as i drove down the parking garage today processing and pleading with the lord for strength i thought of {or he gave me} the perfect phrase for this season of my life.

i am around so much hurt, so much sickness, so much depression, so much abuse.

and it gets on you.

but you can’t carry it. it can’t come down the parking garage. somehow it’s got to get off. be left behind. 

i am being affected. and that’s why i quickly feel depleted. cause i was not made to carry it. i am made to love these sweet patients. but i gotta leave it. i am made to sit with these girls as they have panic attacks and cry and tell me things that they have never told anyone. 

and it gets on me.

and tonight it feels pretty darn heavy. but i am praying as my fingers type these words that they would soon become true. that they would soon become real. and that i learn to give it up. to do what i was made to do, but to give the rest to the lord.

i want a small item for a couple of days to play with.

maybe a puppy or a baby? is that weird? 

i saw a puppy the other day that was the cutest. and i see babies everyday that i want to steal. 

i want them. but not for forever. (at least not right now.)

but gosh, it would be fun for a hot minute. 

I am a really good parallel parker. It doesn’t make sense, I know. But it’s true. I can keep it between the lines.

hello, february.

you are my least favorite month because i can’t say you. 

i mean, who can?